this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
