I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
