What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
