I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i believe in u and ur pee
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
