You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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