i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
