Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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