walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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