So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
