So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
