So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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