Texts From Last Night

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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.

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  (484): Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me. http://tfl.nu/3y7i
  Replies (6) Good night (709) Bad night (4249)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.

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  (248): Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here. http://tfl.nu/bwbb
  Replies (11) Good night (8120) Bad night (1702)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??

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  (309): why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat?? http://tfl.nu/gupl
  Replies (18) Good night (4895) Bad night (1282)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.

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  (206): All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came. http://tfl.nu/je3h
  Replies (8) Good night (4584) Bad night (988)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music

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  (303): Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music http://tfl.nu/qvs5
  Replies (9) Good night (1022) Bad night (3223)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..

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  (203): Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied.. http://tfl.nu/zapu
  Replies (6) Good night (3887) Bad night (881)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing

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  (303): So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing http://tfl.nu/363h
  Replies (22) Good night (1506) Bad night (4806)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory

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  (252): He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory http://tfl.nu/jj42
  Replies (20) Good night (1517) Bad night (4932)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.

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  (905): Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated. http://tfl.nu/ymio
  Replies (8) Good night (3542) Bad night (1006)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next

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  (985): Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next http://tfl.nu/7632
  Replies (9) Good night (1101) Bad night (3876)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.

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  (217): And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night. http://tfl.nu/dztw
  Replies (3) Good night (1883) Bad night (1346)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?

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  (612): did you just take a shot to penises and friendship? http://tfl.nu/wdge
  Replies (2) Good night (693) Bad night (294)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore

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  (267): If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore http://tfl.nu/3cnq
  Replies (3) Good night (1113) Bad night (347)
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  (310): View more from California

  I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.

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  (310): I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed. http://tfl.nu/5cad
  Replies (4) Good night (1415) Bad night (365)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it

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  (+44): The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it http://tfl.nu/jw2n
  Replies (1) Good night (527) Bad night (270)

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