It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We left the knife in your bed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
