end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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