it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
