I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
