remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
