God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
