I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize