I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
