Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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