Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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