No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
