you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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