wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
