theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
