It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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