Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
