Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
