Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
