Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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