Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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