We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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