when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
