i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize