There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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