The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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