talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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