You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she woke up with a sticky ear
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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