It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
