I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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