she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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