Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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