Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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