I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
