Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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