I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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