She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
