Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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