She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
