you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize