She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
