Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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