you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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