Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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