I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
