Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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