What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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